Hello. It’s my first time writing like this, so I wonder what to say. I have to wake up in 5 hours to get ready for work. I have to go to bed quickly, but I can’t sleep comfortably and my heart is heavy.

I am 35 years old and I am a single man living in Gyeonggi-do. I got a job at the age of 26 and have lived alone in Ansan and Gwangmyeong for 10 years, but this weekend is a bit difficult.

I have an older brother who is 3 years older, and he had a cerebral infarction a few days ago, so he was in the hospital all weekend and came up a few hours ago. My brother had been preparing for the civil service exam for a long time, but he didn’t go his way, so he dropped it about eight years ago and tried to move on to Polytechnic University, but he had a brain hemorrhage before he even started anew.

Fortunately, there is no inconvenience in moving around, but my memory or comprehension was injured, so sometimes when I was told to do something, I forgot it or made me understand something, it was not the same as before. But I’m grateful for letting me live, even if I can’t work and socialize, I thought there would be no more difficulties than this, but this time I had a cerebral infarction.

My family couldn’t afford it, so my father, mother, and brother both live separately. One day, my mother talked to my brother on the phone and asked for care from nearby aunts. The next morning, it deteriorated rapidly and I was hospitalized last Tuesday. Fortunately, I found it early, and I’m on medication, and I have aphasia.
I called my mother in the hospital the day before yesterday’s KTX ride to see how she was doing, but the moment I heard my brother’s voice, I couldn’t speak properly over the phone, my heart broke down. I’m so sorry that my brother, who wanted to raise the family as the eldest son, got into an accident at such a young age, and I’m always worried that most of his 30s will recur again, and misfortune comes to my family again with his confidence and self-esteem atrophied.
Last night, my uncle came and talked to me, and I wondered if this situation was unacceptable and he was too sad, and suddenly he was crying with his mouth shaking, and why was it so heartbreaking? I saw my brother crying for the first time in my life.

It was dinner time, so I stood in the elevator to take my brother to the hospital room, and he cried so hard that only then did I burst into tears and cried.
At an age where I live my life briskly, my brother’s life collapsed due to a sudden accident, my parents who have to earn a living and medical expenses, and my parents are not there in the distant future, and I accept the fate of my family and return to their places.

In the future, I have to provide some financial support for my brother’s treatment and livelihood, so I felt that marriage was an unaffordable burden for me, so I gave up on it earlier.

It’s vague, but I gave up my universal happiness by getting married and now my goal is to become a family. As I get to know the world little by little, there are so many people who live with more difficult stories than us, but I still feel that life is hard because my vision is narrow.

I thought it would be helpful if anyone could tell me that this is the right way to live. Thank you for taking the time out of your humble writing.